Pfeiff commandments

Story by Jonathan Facio

What is the meaning of Pfeiff? While many cast it aside and accept this as their reality, there are ways you can make the most out of it. That way the next time you check the clock around dinner time, you, too, will ecstatically exclaim, “It’s Pfeiff O’Clock!”.

I.  Thou shalt not take the presence of the microwave in vain

Although the sign states that it should be only used by those with allergies, unless you’re heating up peanut butter, it’s probably safe to use. Defrost those frozen fruits, if you have a microwave veggie steamer, go ahead and bring it to get in those five servings a day.

II. Ask and you shall receive, if you are  polite

If there’s something you feel would be a popular and tasty edition to the current Pfeiff-uation, find your nearest SGA member. Butter them up a little bit, and ask them to bring it up at the next meeting. If there’s something in Pfeiff that you would like more of, or some other accommodation, kindly ask one of the hard-working Sodexo staff members. Instead of having noodles with your stir-fried veggies and meat, ask for it to be placed in a flour tortillas. It helps to switch things up a little.

III.  Keep the Pfeiff hours holy

If possible, always try to get there around the time they open. That’s usually when everything is fresh and in abundance. If you don’t see something that’s usually there (e.g. spinach), see Pfeiff-mandment II.

IV.  Thou shalt not steal, only borrow

There are moments for every college student when the struggle becomes real; very, very real. If you don’t have a fork, spoon or mug in your dorm room and you can’t find one, just discretely borrow one from the dining hall. Employ the 24-hour rule, bring it back within 24 hours. If you bring it back before then, you’re golden. That’s not even long enough to file a missing person report— on most cop shows anyway.

V.  Honor the staples of Pfeiff

If  you don’t know what to do,  remember that Pfeiff offers the salad bar, pizza and desserts.

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